In the world that we live in, it is sometimes difficult
to be positive. The news can be flooded
with negativity. Even reading your
social media feed can be a downer. But
we have to remember that pessimism is not good for your health. Negative thinkers have higher rates of
depression. Pessimists have higher
levels of heart disease and do not live as long as more optimistic people. Optimists also experience greater
productivity at work than their counterparts.
There are only two ways to look at things: Positively or Negatively. But we have to realize that the phrase “stay
positive” is much more than just wishful thinking. It is a matter of rewiring our brains. We have been conditioned to accept and expect
negativity, and it does not have to be that way. When we experience failures, instead of
taking it personally, we need to look at them as learning experiences. Nothing is a mistake if we can learn
something from it.
One way to become more positive is to learn to take a
compliment. Some people cannot accept
praise or compliments. Sometimes our
negative self-talk will not allow ourselves to take positive reinforcement seriously. When I was fourteen, I went through that
typical awkward teenage phase. I
overheard my great grandmother tell my cousin that I was unattractive. I was vulnerable, and that was
devastating. Granted, she was a senile
old woman, but this was someone that I trusted.
I took that opinion as fact, so when anyone else said anything nice
about my appearance, I quickly dismissed it.
This is a harsh example, but it goes to show that opinion is not
fact. It also proves that everything is
impermanent. Phases come and go, and I
ultimately grew out of that period, but the negative self-talk stayed. If I had not changed my thinking and hushed
my negative self-talk, I would never have been able to take a compliment from
someone.
Set boundaries.
With that experience with a family member, I learned at an early age
that I had to set boundaries for myself and for others. I could not allow someone else’s negativity
to influence my opinion of myself. You
can love someone and still establish boundaries with them. The most important person in your life is
you, and your opinion of yourself is the only one that matters.
The difference between being
positive or negative can depend on as little as the wording. One has to turn “Yeah, but” into “Yes, and…” If someone asks you if you like to go
bowling, instead of saying “yeah, but I’m not very good at it”, say “Yes, and I
have joined a bowling league so that I can get better and make new friends.” “Yes,
but” gives excuses for not pursuing a goal or completing a task. It reflects a lack of confidence and appears
weak. “Yes, and...” on the other hand, comes across as assertive and
strong.
Words have strength, and they
can change the meaning of what is trying to be conveyed. The negative self-talk can be
subtle. “CAN’T” never could; “WILL”
always had to do it. The more that you believe
that you can do something, the more likely you will do it. The more you do something successfully, the
more you believe that you will be able to do it again. The opposite is also
true: the more you believe that you cannot
do something, the less likely you will do it.
If you don’t think you can do something, you’re right. Your negative self-talk becomes a
self-fulfilling prophecy.
Take these phrases, for
instance:
“I
can’t” – You’re right!
“I
might” – No, you won’t.
“I
should” – Then you really don’t want to.
“I’ll
try” – There is no try. There is do or
do not.
“I
will” – Good. You’re getting there.
“I
am” – Yes!
When
verbalizing your goals, to create a positive visualization, don’t say “I want
to be a writer.” Say with confidence, “I
AM a writer.” Give yourself the
distinction and own it! “I will write a
book” is not as definitive as “I AM writing a book.”
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